How to Include Family in Your Elopement (and How to Tell Them They Aren’t Invited)
Adding in any family to your elopement (or not including them) can feel like a daunting and stressful task. Just remember, whether you include anyone or not is 100% up to you and your partner… You’re the one’s getting married, not them, and ultimately, you both need to be happy with your decision.
As an intimate wedding photographer in Alberta, I am 100% pro-choice when it comes to deciding what to do for your wedding day. I absolutely love when my couples choose to have a wedding day full of adventures that they love, whether that is a heli-hiking elopement in Jasper, and sunrise hiking elopement in Kananaskis, or a kayaking elopement on Abraham Lake, the options are endless, and your options might not always include other people.
In a day and age post-covid, elopements and intimate weddings are slowly growing in popularity again. But that doesn’t mean that everyone’s families are okay with or understanding of your decision to not include them in your wedding day.
So how do you include them?
Idea 1: Bring them.
Just because you are eloping doesn’t mean it has to be just you and your partner.
You will need witnesses, so if you want to include parents as your witnesses for the ceremony, but ask for the rest of the day to yourselves, that is a great way to include them for a little but not the whole thing!
Many couples choose to elope, but bring along their closest friends or family with them. While there are no exact rules for number of guests allowed at an elopement, generally fewer than ten, with an intimate wedding being considered under 25.
So if you envision a day with your closest people surrounding you, absolutely bring them along for all or part of your elopement. Perhaps include them for getting ready, or just the ceremony, or have a nice meal afterwards, or have them join in for all of the festivities. Either way, the choice is yours.
Idea 2: Video call
With technology these days, it's easy to Facetime or video call your family at some point during your wedding, even if they are across the world!
Practically everyone has made a zoom call these days, even our old 100% non tech savvy grandparents likely used it at some point in the last 2 years to chat with family when in person wasn’t an option. And with technology being very accessible, dial in for a call with family after your ceremony to celebrate as newly weds, show them your stunning vistas, or call each family member individually after your amazing day.
Idea 3: Read letters from family and friends.
Plan a day centered around just the two of you and your love story. You might regret having people there, especially if they cause issues, but youll never regret just spending a day with your loved one.
Before you head out on your elopement, ask your special people to write you a note or letter that you will then read with your partner at some point on your special day. Not only is it an intimate moment you get to share together, but often people will share things in letters that they don’t have the courage to say in person or in front of a crowd during speeches. You might be shocked with the love and support that will come through, and while they might not be there to see your reaction, they’ll know that you took a piece of them with you to cherish on you wedding day.
I highly encourage my couple’s to plan a day that they will feel comfortable with the entire time, and if having no friends and family around is what makes you comfortable, I urge you to follow your heart! Not only because you will enjoy your day that much more, but because the one fear I usually get is that you “are worried we will look and feel awkward in our photos”. If this is one of your fears or worries, I highly recommend reading this blog post here.
Idea 4: Include them before or after in festivities.
No one says that you have to celebrate your wedding with family on the actual day. The truth is, your wedding day is meant to be a special moment of bonding for you and your partner, and nothing else really matters as much.
So why not do something else instead?
Include family in the ceremony for the “important” part, and enjoy the rest of the time to yourselves later.
- An engagement party before your elopement. Have a meal together, go do something fun, wine and dine, or have a bonfire. Get together, celebrate your engagement and your upcoming wedding, and get those hugs and kisses in before your married.
Have a reception style event after so that everyone can join in on all the fun and celebrate! This could be the next day, week, month or year. There’s no rules for when you have to have it.
- A Reception style event when you get back. No one says you can’t celebrate twice, and it gives you the opportunity to wear your wedding attire again if you choose! Go as small or as big as you choose with this event, and invite all of the people you want.
Idea 5: Include personal items to bring a piece of them with you on your wedding day.
While they may not be there with you in person, they will definitely be there with you in spirit, and you can include a piece of them with you during the day.
Ideas of items to include:
- A father’s tie
- A mother’s necklace, earrings, or bracelet
- A sister’s hair piece
- A brother’s cuff links
If you don’t have any personal items to include, perhaps a locket with their photo in it, tied around your bouquet. Sing a song from your childhood, tell a story from your memories about a favorite time with your family or loved ones.
Heirloom pieces are amazing, but not everyone has those. Make your own, or have them custom made. There are many talentec artists who would love to make you a piece to commemorate your family on your wedding day.
Carve out some time and activities for the two of you to be alone during your elopement.
Okay, so I know how I want to include them, but how do I tell them that I won’t be having a traditional wedding, and they may not be invited?
Making the decision is easy, but telling other’s your decision may not be.
Don’t do it over text, or email, especially for those that really matter to you. Tell them over the phone, or in person, and share your excitement first! Once they see how excited you are, it will hopefully soften the blow.
If you’re ok with it, share some of the details that you are planning for your day, and be sure to emphasize how important it is to the two of you to get married in this way. By sharing your excitement, sharing the importance of eloping, and leaving no room for negotiation, they will hopefully understand, and appreciate you letting them know, and including them in any way at all.
If you choose to tell everyone after you elope, follow up in the same way! They’ll be excited to hear all about it, and while some people can be bitter, don’t let it bring you down. Everyone grieves for the loss of an opportunity to enjoy special occasions in a different way.
While I can’t tell you what to do, or who to include at your wedding, I can offer assistance in the rest of the planning, and encourage you to do what you feel is right for your wedding! So if you are looking for an elopement photographer in Alberta or the rest of the world (I love to travel!) I would love to hear from you about your vision for your wedding day!