I get it, your dream wedding isn’t always their dream wedding, and that’s ok! While it might feel like a bit of a barrier at first, if you keep the thought that your love is front and central and all that matters, then you know you will figure it out. 

How to Decide What to Do if You One of You Wants a Big Wedding and the other Doesn’t

First off, be sure that you are discussing this with just your partner, without outside interference. Family and other factors can influence decisions, and also sometimes make it hard for one person to really speak their mind, which is exactly what you don’t want! Make sure that you are both comfortable in the moment and feel safe to share your feelings, this excerise won’t work well if you both aren’t encouraged to share equally. 

Once you are both comfortable, start an open discussion about your wedding, and here are three questions you should ultimately discuss!

1. What do you both absolutely want to remember about your wedding day?

• You can go extremely in depth or fairly surface level with this question, but the more you talk about the more you can see where each person is coming from with their vision. Who do you want to have there, without a question? Is there any activities you can’t imagine going without? Is there any location/idea that is perfect in your opinion?

2. What do you both absolutely not want to have or encounter in your wedding day? 

• This is probably an even more important question than knowing what you really both want from your day, because it will hopefully expose the real reasons and feelings for not wanting either type of wedding. Is it the fear of anxiety/stress? Is it the worry of being in the spotlight for an entire day? Is it only a budgetary concern? Be open and honest so that you can understand each persons point of view. 

Now that you have both discussed what you do and do not want from your day, the third question is

3. “What is your dream wedding vision?”

• Knowing what you both dream about may give you ideas for where you can incorporate different pieces of each persons’ dream wedding. Does one envision a lot of florals, or a big dramatic landscape? Is one of you wanting a massive party? Maybe you don’t really care about the ceremony but you envision a very intimate ceremony?

Once you have gone through these questions together, hopefully you can start to see where you can compromise on certain aspects and make both of you happy! Ultimately, your wedding day is about your love and nothing else. 

Suggestions to Compromise on a Big Wedding VS Eloping

IF BUDGET IS THE BIGGEST CONCERN

Money is usually a going concern, and it’s no secret that a big wedding can cost a lot of money, but that doesn’t mean that eloping can or is cheap either. It’s really all about your vision! If you want to have a very simple wedding, you can DIY, find locations that allow outdoor ceremonies without a big booking fee, or cut out things that aren’t really important to you. You can certainly elope cheaply, but you can also spend a big chunk of your budget on an epic elopement day. If budget is your biggest and only real concern, go with what you two really want and stick to the budget. There’s not much else to say here. 

IF STRESS/ANXIETY IS THE BIGGEST CONCERN

As someone who hates being in crowds, being the centre of attention, or being basically forced to mingle with a bunch of people I probably don’t know really well, this was a big concern when we planned our wedding, and it should be a big concern! If you or your partner want to elope because you are worried that the day is going to be stressful and unenjoyable… I really hope you find a compromise! Because getting married in itself can be stressful enough, but ultimately your day should be amazing once you get to it. 

If you both haven’t decided eloping is the best option after discussion, here are some ways to maybe find a compromise:

• Split your wedding celebration. 

• If you’re worried about being the centre of attention, have the parts that do have all the focus on you as small as possible. Consider a private first look, where you both see each other before being in a crowd, which takes the stress off of having everyone staring at you while you both see each other for the first time. You can also have a small and intimate ceremony, with only the people you both need to have there, and a bigger event later, whether it’s later that day or even a year later. 

• Include family and friends in other ways. 

• They don’t all have to be there for your biggest moments. Technology and other options make it possible to have your family and friends with you, without having them “breathing down your neck”. Read this blog post for ways to include friends and family even doing a more elopement style wedding.

• Celebrate with friends and family during a wedding shower before your intimate wedding/elopement, so you can have the big party where everyone can celebrate your marriage before your actual tying of the knot. And then head out for your more intimate parts later.

Unfortunately, there is no perfect compromise for everyone, especially if you are both very divided on what you want. 

All I can say is, make sure you take your partner’s concerns into full evaluation, and think about why the things that are important to you are. Would you rather see them happy and stress-free, or miserable during a day you thought was going to be perfect?

You’re wedding is a one day event you’ll remember for a lifetime, all the ups and all the downs. 

Do you have other ideas for compromise, or other questions? 

Ask them below in the comments!

As an Adventure Wedding Photographer, my sole priority is that couple’s focus on their love story and what makes them, THEM. The rest is just extra.

That’s why I strive to capture all the moments, the perfect and imperfect, so you have all the memories to look back on and share in your life together. Because they are your story, and you deserve to remember them.

Wanting to learn more about making your day epic? I'd love to chat!